Cleaning up house

One of the things we sense God is saying to us as a family is to travel lightly, to get rid of unnecessary stuff and prepare ourselves mentally and physically to move. To help us focus in the selection process of what to keep and what to sell or give away, we set ourselves two goals: 1. to get rid of 50% of all the stuff in the house (including furniture) and 2. to get rid of 40% of the books, CD's and videos. That should render us some space.

Now, how to prevent irrational considerations to influence our selection, like "perhaps we might need this thing sometime in the next 50 years" or "I've never read this book, but likely it offers some good insights on page 144, so it might come in handy at some point"? We use a simple guideline: we only keep those things we effectively use now or will use in the next two years, and get rid of the rest. What still has value or usability will be offered on Marktplaats or eBay, or given to a charity. We only keep those books, CD's and video's that really inspired us, offer clear 'resource value' or will be read/listened to/watched in the next two years.

The first items are already on Marktplaats. You might be interested in this original porcelan plate with a painting of the Oude Gracht in Utrecht, an extensive collection of Barbie dresses, or a 2-3 person iglo tent.

Comments

[Mark]

Scary! =) It one thing to hear God speaking (or should I say whispering?), but it's quite another thing to act on what He's saying - especially if you have a family. My heart goes out to your boys. You and Karolien's dedication also ask a price from your two boys and that leaves me with quite some questions. How do the boys take it? Did you include them in the desicion making process? Do they also have to give away half of their toys? Are they ready to leave school and their friends? Would you mind sharing your thoughts about this?

[Marc van der Woude]

Hey Mark, good to hear from you. Well, if God speaks it wouldn't make sense *not* to act on it, would it? And all this cleaning up house is less dramatic then it sounds. The only 'price' we pay with this is maybe getting rid of some emotional attachment to belongings, which is not a bad thing anyway, even if you would *not* move. To answer your questions about the boys:

1. Yes, we involved them in the decision-making, and gradually prepared them for moving. They see that moving is not necessarily a loss, you also gain new things (house, friends, experience). BTW, we don't know where we are moving yet or when, so it's still in the air. As I wrote, it's more a step to mentally prepare, and at least get moving a bit.

2. The 50% includes the toys, but realise that this is not a legalistic goal, but more a guideline, and that they can also keep all the toys they really play with and will reasonably play with in the next two years. The toys we sell or give away are generally toys that they outgrew or never touch. In fact, they wouldn't even notice if they 'disappeared'. And they know Saint Nicholas comes around every year anyway. ;-)

[Mark]

Well, you got me little going by mentioning "including furniture", Marc. It sounded a lot more rigorous than just cleaning out the attic. I almost saw you cutting the couch into half (a bit like the video "CD van jou CD van mij" from Acda en de Munnik =).

I agree it would be a bit silly to ask God for directions and then either be surprised He answers or ignore his directions. However, how sure are you you're not making this up and it's really God? We were once on holiday in Turkey and I woke up in the middle of the night, sensing/thinking God was telling me to go the neighbours and knock on their door. I think I was too scared to loose face, so I talked myself out of it and went back to sleep. I never got a second change, so I still wonder if it was me or really God. That instance just involved me, but what if it would involve my whole family? I would like to be pretty sure. That's why I mentioned about your boys having to pay a price for your dedication to God. It was not about the toys, but more about they having to leave their "safe surroundings" (is that correct English, BTW?) because of what their mum and dad think God is saying.

One more question, how did you go about including the boys in the decision making?

[Marc]

Hey, I was serious about the furniture! In fact, we even thought of cutting our couch into half because we live on the 9th floor and it would only fit the elevator in two halves. But no worries, we will only do that when we really move. Then only half of the furniture will move with us, probably just the beds and a wardrobe, and maybe not even that.

How to know for sure if it's God? Certainly it helps to *not* talk yourself out of it and go back to sleep, but simply try it out! What could have happened if you had knocked that door? These folks might have opened up and accepted Jesus on the spot. Or they might have looked at you with sleepy eyes, grumbled a bit, and returned to bed. Nothing lost.

We loose nothing by cleaning up our house, in fact it will create more space. We loose nothing by moving, in fact we will see another part of the world and have a nice adventure as a family. Ultimately it's all about TRUST. Knowing that God goes before us, and even if we take a wrong turn, He is there to redirect us. So again, we would loose nothing, rather create an opportunity to grow in trust.

Perhaps this is a simple test for harder times, when there's much more at stake, and we might even risk to loose our very lives. A servant is not more than his master...

To be honest: I don't get the logic of our boys paying a price because we obey God. They would pay a price if we would *not* obey God. Ultimately the price of a safe life is much higher than the price of risking your life with God. Besides, a safe life is much more boring. ;-)

Tell me, what is a 'safe surrounding' for children? How many kids get killed in traffic accidents in the Netherlands? How many pedophiles work at Christian schools or live in our street? As I see it, the safest place in this world is in the centre of God's will. And it helps to have loving parents for sure!

The calling we have is a family calling. The boys are not yet independent actors, but part of our family unit. We carry responsibility for them and provide what they need, like God takes responsibility for us and provides what we need.

How did we involve our boys in the decision making? First of all by making it part of our conversation. And we pray together that God will show us the next step. David prays for a garden. Peter probably for a tree that grows sweets. ;-)

[Mark]

Hi Marc,

You sound a little agitated. I hope I didn't rub you the wrong way.

You make some strong but true remarks, though. Thanks. It kinda exposes what motivated me to react on this post in the first place - fear. As you say - and I couldn't agree more - it is all about trust and it seems I'm lacking in that area. My first reaction ("Scary!") shows exactly that. Somehow I seem to be afraid to really trust God and this conversation brings that again to the light.

I do not want to get too personal on your blog, but to round off our discussion properly I think I should share at least little bit. If I cross the line, please do correct me.

What could have happened if I had knocked that door? Yes, I know, those thoughts had also crossed my mind. What had I to loose? Nothing. But still that argument did got me out of my bed. Fear isn't logically, it's a irrational feeling and I was just too afraid to loose face. I know, Proverbs 29:25 says "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe."

Also, this isn't the first time this trait comes out. The last time we met at the netwerk evening at Matthijs & Linsey's, I also talked to Peter from Utrecht about how to hear propheticly and act on that. I shared the same story as I did above and he challenged me not just to act on what God is saying, but on what *I think* God is saying. It's more important to be obedient than to prevent making mistakes. That really changelled me! So I kinda hope I get another change to do some baby steps in this area.

I still find it difficult, however, how to deal with this issue with respect to ones I am responsible/accountable for, i.e. my family and especially my two boys. I don't really feel we have a family calling (yet), so maybe that makes things a little more difficult as we don't have something to fall back on. This is probably why I felt so strong towards your two boys. Nevertheless, this family calling is something my wife and I are finding out as we go along.

About your boys having to pay a price because you obey God, well, I guess, again my reaction was motivated by fear and lack of understanding the idea of a family calling. However, there are stories about children of missioniaries whoe are not able to stay with their parents (to go to school for instance), but at the same time are not able to cope with being away from their parents for so long. Or of missioniaries whose marriage breaks up in the mission field. I don't want hold out these stories as typical examples, but sometimes things go terrible wrong, despite believing one is in the centre of God's will. I guess this was in the back of my head when I asked you this question.

BTW, by "safe surroundings" I didn't mean safe as in free from harm, but more as in familiar. The dutch expression would be "vertrouwde omgeving."

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Marc, it helps me a lot.

[Marc]

No worries, Mark. I'm not agitated, just reflecting out loud, and that sometimes can come across a bit spicy. Sorry for that.

When I posted this reaction, Karolien asked: "Why didn't you share a bit more about the struggles to trust God as well?" Hm... yes, that's a good one. ;-) Obviously I also had my struggles, and like you missed several opportunities to obey. Some of these even make me blush of shame up to today. I know God can be trusted, but still... I guess we all have our areas of insecurity where it's a bit harder to trust God.

I recognize what Peter advised you - this is very true, and looking back I can only say that just acting based on what I *sensed* God was saying opened unexpected doors. I can't say I often hear God very directly ("do this or that"), in most cases I 'see' or 'hear' by prophetic intuition and revelation (like God turning the light on, so you see what needs to be done).

About the family calling: as you now pick this up as something to pursue, I wonder: "What the heck did I mean with that?" ;-) I guess I mean that in a family with kids, the calling of the parents is leading. But because we're aware of missionary kids syndrome, we try to process these kind of steps as openly as possible with our kids. To balance things out: I also know of many MKs who got truly inspired by the commitment of their parents to follow Christ, and kids whose parents got divorced while having a 'decent' job in Holland. I have the impression that in those situations the relationships in the family (or the family culture) might be the real foundation, or a 'safe surrounding' as you call it.

Finally, just to clarify: we will stay in Europe and as education is not too bad over here, it's not likely that our kids will be separated from us because of schooling.

[Karolien]

Thanks Mark, for being open and honest on the blog. Respect for you. As you are on your journey with God, so are we and our sense of being called to move in new areas did not come overnight (would be nice sometimes, wouldn't it?!). And I have had my own struggle emotionally, not wanting a MKS for the kids. Discovering and praying through with God, now there's peace inside concerning the kids and an even stronger conviction. Just to share with you, be encouraged to pusue Him! He is faithful.

[Mark]

Oh, I didn't think of family calling as some entity to obtain and we are not actively pursueing this either. I see it as part of our ongoing journey with God on this earth, which is relational and dynamic. It's just that we are in a process of finding out which way we should be heading now and my thoughts are going in a slightly (at least, that I hope =) different direction than Caroline's. And we can be sure that God isn't calling me to go and do something entirely different than he calls Caroline to go and do as we can also be sure that the boys will fit in the direction we sense God is heading us. That's how I understood the term "family calling."

BTW, our youngest just turned one and the eldest will soon be three years old. So part of our conversation was for me to learn how we as parents can actively involve our boys in finding our way together when they grow older.

And thank you very much for the encouragement, Karolien.

[Simon Peter Mason]

Hi Marc... sometimes it is hard to discern between moving (as an event) and mobility (as a continuous present tense). . personally I think it is the latter. . although of course this does not exclude physically relocating to be able to be more mobile i.e. nearer an airport, rather than to a centre of any particular place / country.

Ask yourself this question: Would you invest in a new church building if God would double the congregation every six months? In the same way would you invest in one locality if you believed God had called you to be a translocal networker ala Phil Townend's The Net?

Maybe some of the confusion comes from being married with a family?

The Net is about connecting the local and translocal into a seamless whole, so maybe the marriage relationship is designed to be a microcosm of this? The feminine representing the local - stable, gathered, safe environment and the masculine representing the go getting, mission orientated, hunting mentality... a bit like Jesus and the 12 going from place to place on mission and Mary and Martha being a stable safe place to pause at, before launching off again!!!

So I would go for a stable home base from which to travel in and out of ala John 10 Then together your family is a picture of the bigger reality God is building.

of course clearing out all the stuff we have built up, either physical stuff or local responsibilities is a good thing, to free up time to focus on the prime focus of translocal networking and again does not preclude actually moving to be more mobile!!!

Personally I think it means being involved locally but in a more passive way... which keeps our feet on the ground and is good to maintain humility:} Freeing up the leadership capacity to lead the translocal networking mission?

Just thinking out loud!!!

Simon... of course people called to a locality will see this completely differently:)

[Marc]

Hi Simon,
Thx for your comments. Agree. It's about mobility in the first place. But sometimes God moves people geographically as well, as part of a new phase in life. As I see it, moving would not foundationally change my ministry. Perhaps I will expand a bit on that in a later post.

[Mannie]

Hai Marc en Karolien,
Just wanting to let you know that God has been speaking similarly to us already for some time. Some years ago God already said we were going to move, but till now we are still waiting where to go, and when. But suddenly this spring I got a feeling of urgency to get rid of things; to clear our house. But it was until your post that Rob was hesitant. He thought we could wait until God made it clear where we are going and when. But I just sense we will not have the time then.
So thank you for posting. By discussing it, we got further. And now we also decided to clear our house. Still need to find out how to get rid of things that are to precious to throw away. You have some experience with Marktplaats. Maybe you can tell Rob about it... Or do you have other suggestions?

[Phil Anderson]

The IKEA solution: more and better storage facilities.

The Kingdom solution: less "stuff"...

:0)

[Kerstin Hack]

Pretty cool. Two years ago I did some radical reductions...enjoyed turning Junk that I did not need any more into cash or happyness for friends who thought they needed it. "Radical" for me was only "tithing" ...getting rid of about 10% of my books and stuff. Right now I am in a second round ... trying to get rid of another 5 - 10%. And in the course of the year I try to stick to the rule: 1 against 1- 3: If I buy or get one new thing I try to get rid of another thing in the same category (book,letter, clothes etc.)to make sure that new stuff does not pile up again...it ´s quite cool...but also hard work...far easier to get "stuffed"...you do not need to use your brain for that.
Concerning kids. I think that reduction is a blessing to them. They suffer rather from too much stuff than too little.