« October 2004 | Main | December 2004 »
EO published the interesting results of an extensive national survey about 'Christian marriage' in the Netherlands. They found out that Christian couples have less sex than the national average, but mark the quality of their sexual relationship significantly higher. Another interesting finding is that half of the Christians (and 60% of the Baptists) had sex before marriage, 60-70% uses anticonception and 6% (16% of the Pentecostals) had an affair.
Metro published a quite shocking report about Iraq. Because of the American army's use of depleted uranium (DU) in ammunition, the country is severely polluted with radio-activity. Not only did this lead to 'Gulf syndrome' among an estimated 85,000 American and British soldiers (of which 9,000 already died), it also slowly kills the Iraqi population because the food chain and water system have been infected.
Since the first Gulf war cancer has increased with 600% in Iraq, and many deformed children are being born. Solders and civilians who are being hit by a DU bullit, might not die immediately, but will die anyway as a result of the radio-activity. The problem with radio-activity in the ground is that it will remain active for millions of years, which basically means that Iraq will be a very unhealthy place to live for many generations.
The American (and also Dutch) government plays this down, although they know the consequences. This is bad. In the terrorist attacks on the WTC 3,000 lives were lost, but the war in Iraq already cost over a 100,000 lives (of which over a 1,000 Americans). As a result of the radio-activity, this will be millions in the generations to come. Who said the war in Iraq was just or in proportion? It's not.
The third day of my training in communication and personal effectiveness (earlier episodes: 1 / 2 / 3). Hans explained the principles of Rational-Emotive Therapy (RET), a behaviour therapy developed by Albert Ellis that focuses on uncovering irrational beliefs which may lead to unhealthy negative emotions and replacing them with more productive rational alternatives. He also introduced the eye accessing cues of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and constructive and negative ways of dealing with anger.
Today the group confronted me because they felt I was disinterested in giving a presentation. I explained I didn't forget about it, just wanted to be flexible in when to fit it in. The conversation went something like this:
Hans: "Do you realise what you are doing now?"
Me: "I'm explaining myself."
Hans to the group: "Do you feel he really received your feeback?"
Group: "No."
Hans: "Why do you want to explain yourself?"
Me: "Because I don't think you understand my intention and perspective."
Hans: "But do you understand why the group gives you this feedback?"
Me: "No."
Hans: "Then you better ask, instead of giving an explanation."
Me: "Group, can you explain what you mean?"
Group: "Because you bring it up pretty late, with a slight nonchalance, you give us the impression that you don't really care about giving this presentation."
Me: "I'm puzzled, that's completely opposite to my intention."
Hans: "Apparently there's a gap between what you mean and how you are being perceived. You made up your mind about this presentation, but didn't communicate it timely and pro-actively to the group. You didn't recognize they might have developed a different perspective on it or felt differently about it than you."
This style of 'confrontational coaching' is helpful to bring relational undercurrents and automatic communication (or lack of communication) patterns to the surface. But it also takes a lot of energy. After a training day like this I'm completely worn-out.
Watched the finals of 'The Greatest Dutchman' on television. As expected with the current wave of public emotions following the murder of Van Gogh, fellow-victim and politician Pim Fortuijn won the election. How deep a nation can fall... What bugs me is the lack of historical identity, people seem to be swept by emotions and the hype of the day. In terms of accomplishments Fortuijn is simply no match for William of Orange, Anthonie van Leeuwenhoek or Desiderius Erasmus. He doesn't even come close.
I think KRO made a mistake by allowing people on the list who are not dead and buried for at least 50 years. Even worse is the fact that, as national newspaper De Telegraaf reports, KRO didn't count in all the votes. The voting computers couldn't handle the massive response and gave up. Afterwards it turned out that William of Orange had beaten Fortuijn with 31,000 votes.
This feels like the American elections to me. Although there's no chance that the Americans would have even considered a homosexual dandy as the 'Greatest American of all times'. My only consolation is that my favorite Erasmus received most hits in Google, and is at least the most searched-for Dutchman.
Karolien and I went to see the just-released German movie 'Der Untergang', about the cataclysmic last days of the Third Reich. The central stage is Hitler's bunker in Berlin, the central person his private secretary Traudl Junge.
The movie was labelled 'controversial', because Hitler is being portrayed as a human being. The fact that he was, that 99 percent of the Germans voted for him, and that many in his inner circle supported him unto death, despite his completely irrational behaviour, is the wake-up call of this movie.
Especially the scene where Magda Goebbels poisons her own children, just hours after having received a decoration from Hitler for being the 'most couragious mother in Germany', shows that the Third Reich was not just a demonic system imposed on Germany, but a demonic ideology that many chose to believe in. Nazism was the ultimate expression of social darwinism. The right of the strongest inspired Hitler not just to kill the Jews and invade Europe, but also to despise his own people for loosing the war, even to the point of utter self-destruction.
Saint Nicholas is back in town. The honoured bishop of Myra will tour the Netherlands between half November and his 'birthday' on 5 December to bring presents and candies. He arrived in Utrecht by boat, and I took the boys downtown to give him and his 'black petes' a warm welcome. Although the boys know it's just a dress-up party, they were very excited and didn't forget to strategically position their shoes in front of the door.
Yesterday we celebrated Saint Martin, a feast at which the kids go from house to house carrying lanterns and begging for sweets. Saint Martin (of Tours), the Roman officer who shared his cloak with a beggar, and thus became a symbol for charity, is also the patron saint of Utrecht. He also inspired the monastic missionary movement of his time.
Today was a good follow-up on yesterday's training. In the morning I had a meeting with Paul, a young leader I'm coaching, to talk about communication and team dynamics. In the afternoon I caught up with Maaike (CE/SoSu) and raised the subject of planning and management (check out the ten helpful hints for time management on her weblog).
Because I tend to live by inspiration and intuition rather than by organisation and structure, I'm trying to find a way of planning that meets both needs. That breeds and channels creativity, but also structures the practical things that have to be done. That's organic rather than technocratic. Now my friend Kerstin Hack from Berlin, who's also a creative person, just published a book about it in German titled 'Swing: Living in the Rhythm of Creation'. It's about integrating healthy rhythms in your life, including moments of planning, creating order and reflection.
Although I'm not a chaotic, have a relatively high productivity, and see good progress in the teams I'm part of, I know I could improve if I would be more intentional in my planning. A clear framework for decision-making helps. It's all a matter of staying focused on the things God has prepared for me in this season and the seasons to come.
The second day of my training in communication and personal effectiveness (earlier episodes here and here). We had some homework for today: formulating five personal goals for this training and doing a competence survey to gain insight in our strengths and weaknesses in practical work situations.
My five goals are: growing in expression, empathy and conversation skills, getting more in touch with my emotions, and using more concrete language.
My effectiveness profile showed that I'm doing quite well in the four survey areas: productivity, teamwork & communication, handling change and handling stress. Strengths are passing on information, keeping agreements, aiming at quality, honesty and openness, and fast learning. Areas to improve are handling conflicts, planning and personal organisation.
In the morning session we evaluated our week and discussed several live cases, which was very helpful. One guy who's a manager at an insurance company shared that their management team had just decided on a reorganisation plan, and explained how they wanted to communicate it to the workfloor. We gave him a hard time. The key was of course to really listen to people and lead by example, which is something most managers have difficulty with. (Btw, Ton Kasteleijn mailed me an interesting interview with Jan Marijnissen in Management Team).
Hans, the trainer, explained the difference between listening and not listening. This may seem very obvious, but it isn't. Defensive reactions, quick interpretations, value statements, bouncing back, denying what the other person is saying - all typical non-listeners' reactions. Active listeners ask informative questions, paraphrase what the other person is saying, and express their feelings. This explains why sometimes conversations are not flowing well.
In the afternoon Jeroen, an actor in television soap GTST showed up. He played some real-life characters to help us handle difficult conversations. The interesting thing is that, although you know it's an act, you tend to show your normal communication pattern. Hans thought it was a good idea for Jeroen to play the role of my wife. Too bad. At the end I even had pity with her. When I came home Karolien said, full of mercy: "Don't worry, I will coach you in handling me." Not sure how to interpret this...
Things are escalating further in the Netherlands, following the brutal murder on film maker Theo van Gogh last week (see earlier postings here and here). There have been attacks on mosques, islamic schools and even church buildings. In The Hague a whole neighborhood was closed down today as part of a special force raid to arrest members of a terrorist cell (my friend Ronald who lives right in this neighborhood reports about it on his weblog).
In the meantime there are political tensions because a Moroccan guy who works for the secret service leaked information to terrorist groups. Tomorrow there will be a heavy debate in Parliament on the issue, which will put further pressure on the Minister of the Interior. Our PM asked the population to remain calm and refrain from polarising talk and actions.
It's a situation that's very similar to the period following the murder of politician Pim Fortuyn in 2002. It was right before our national prayer campaign 10 Days for Holland. It's part of the shaking our nation is going through, therefore we need stay spiritually alert and pray for God's purposes to be fulfilled.
Satirical newspaper Lark News reports that King of King's College in Lafayette welcomed its first candidates for a groundbreaking minor in pastor's wiving, the first such degree offered in the country. 
"After years of grasping in the dark, pastors' wives can learn how to deal with rampant in-fighting in their women's ministry groups, whiny women seeking marriage advice they won't ever use, children who go through extreme rebellion, board members who accuse them of secretly controlling the pastor, and being called the 'b word' on occasion," says professor Helen DuLac, the minor's director. "To be a pastor's wife you don't have to speak Greek and Hebrew, just be able to listen to it with an expression of sincere interest," says DuLac.
Also funny:
Church creates section for huggy, touchy couples
Rise of 'testimony crimes' worries police
