Observations from the outside

Mark Barkaway posted some interesting observations on his weblog about what happens when people leave the organised version of church:

- People make a lot less effort with you; after all they need to invest their time and energy into spending time with people already in their church community. If you’re not in, you'll be left out. Church can be immensely activity and resource focussed. Concerned more about the product, the content and message and less about culture, context and individual lives.
- Church places an economic value on you. When you leave you suddenly have little or nothing to contribute anymore. You are worth nothing unless you can contribute something or you are going to consume the 'product'.
- Timescales and timeframes of 'activity' are dictated from within the church. Those outside must comply.
- Church (depending on the tradition) is predominately interested in morality and disinterested in spirituality.
- Everything must be functional. There is very little space for the arts.

"I guess I’m reflecting on this today not as a criticism or to throw stones, but just because I feel if this is what I see/perceive, then why would I ever want to step back in?…" Good question.

Comments

[Mannie]

I recognise especially the first two items. I hoped to continue with some friendships after I left organised church, but that didn't happen. Those people in the end are only willing to spend time on you if you are part of their church. They are not really interested in me.
They cannot gain something anymore from me, it seems.
One more disappointment of 'the church'...

[Mannie]

Thinking a bit more on this subject: it reminds me of what happens as you change jobs. Everyone in the old company ensures you they will keep contact, but after a while, they forget you. You are no longer part of their world and they have too much other things to think of.
I got used to this, but never thought of it in relation to leaving church. But I think I hoped it would be different. I hoped people were really interested in me, and were willing to look a bit further than their own world.

[Wilma]

Ik herken er veel van, van bovenstaand commentaar. Vooral ook van die economische waarde is mooi gezegd. Mijn economische waarde lag in het schenken van koffie na de dienst, omdat ik een vrouw ben... (gelukkig heb ik geweigerd, maar met schuldgevoel en ze vonden me wel vreemd. Iedereen moet per slot van rekening zijn steentje bijdragen en een ander bepaalt wel even wat mijn steentje zal zijn....).
Wie ik ècht was en wat ik ècht deed, was niet belangrijk. Een enkele keer proberen mezelf te zijn, gaf schrikreacties vanuit de kerkleden te zien, terwijl ik niets bijzonder shockerends deed of zo. De kerk was iig niet ingericht op mìjn noden, zoals ik keer op keer merkte. Je mag er zijn, maar alleen als je zo klein bent als wij... Cynisch, maar helaas wel mijn ervaring in de kerk.