The Americanized Bible Version

Jimmy Doyle of Liquid Thinking compiled some Scriptures for today's Christians from the 'Americanized Bible Version':

Romans 3:9-21
What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: "There are no Fully Devoted Followers™ of christ, not even one; there is no one who is Purpose Driven™, no one who asks, 'What Would Jesus Do?™'. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who follows the Irrefutable Laws of Leadership™, not even one."

Mark 1:10-13
As Jesus was Emerging™ out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a Dove Award™. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert for 40 Days of Purpose™, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him and gave him little chocolate candies in 40 Days of Purpose™ wrappers.